For I am the first and the last
I am the venerated and the despised
I am prostitute and the saint
I am wife and virgin ……….
Always respect me ;
For I am the shameful and the magnificent one.
(Hymn of Isis)
I was thirteen when it happened for the first time. He was my cousin, he touched me in an inappropriate manner. I was taken aback but I did nothing. I just ignored him. I never told my parents about this. I was ashamed of this.
After one year, a teacher of mine did the same thing. This time I reacted but not as fiercely as I should have.
(I was a coward.)
On 16th December 2012, a girl was raped in a bus. Rape was so brutal that she succumbed to her injuries on 29th December 2016. People came out for her, demanding for justice. This case changed a lot of things. New laws were made, police became more sensitive, nirbhaya fund was created but it failed to change the Society.
This incident scared the shit out of me. I was afraid of stepping out of my house, I was afraid of taking bus, I was afraid staying out till night. I was afraid of being a girl.
Many a times I simply surrender to nasty comments, piercing gaze and moral policing. I simply cowed down.
(Don’t pity me, I’m a bitch now)
I grew up and started to socialize. One day I was sitting with my friends when a junior told us that a teacher touched her boobs( without her permission).This freaked us out, even I reacted!
Perhaps it’s easy to fight for others. But it changed me, it empowered me. I can stand for my self now. Nothing can scare me any more. I take public transportation now and without any fear. I can stand for my self, I can fight for myself. I am not afraid of being a girl now.
Grief does not change you, it reveals you.